“i haven’t been feeling well for a long time now and finally i have a diagnosis for what is wrong with me.
my slave thought it was a furball and kept dragging my fur back to the vet for checkups.
i’ve suffered through all those road trips, let me tell you i DO NOT like riding in a car.
and that vet bitch, hey, could she squeeze my stomache any tighter?
aaaaand………i do not want to talk about that temperature probe thingie. ugh!
i am tired of throwing up and losing weight and you know, it is good to finally get to the root of my puking.
the throwing up of blood did concern me a little.
i do thank my slave for cleaning it all up though, she does have some use.
in all fairness she did do a pretty good job cleaning out the shit box and washing the blankets on my bed after i puked on them.
what she thinks she’s doing sleeping in my bed remains a mystery.
some people just don’t know their place.
i’ve bitten her, covered the place in hair like i like it, thrown up on her and stunk the place out, yet she remains.
i think she’s a pig for living in such conditions but she’s too heavy to push out the door and so i am forced to tolerate her.
i have heard that this lastest trip to the vet cost her $647.11
whatever whining slave, shut up and pay the nasty temperature probe woman.
oh and get the phone out and order a cab, then pay the $28 fare and again shut up about it.
oh, and next time you force me to go to the anal prober, you could at least bring some litter or maybe a freaking tissue.
keeping me jailed in that box for hours was not your best move slave.
so you will forgive me for shitting in the taxi on the way home.
and the perfume that was a mix of rotting dead bodies and something……….sour
get over it.
cabbie guy will get over it, eventually.
i do have pancreatitis and a couple of bleeding ulcers after all.
also go out and pay $48 for my food, make sure you get the stuff i really like too.
oh, and as a reminder you are working over christmas so i will require alternate accommodations for those days.
call the hotel (otherwise known as the metro emergency animal shelter) and book me in.
it will cost you $300 plus tax and don’t forget to add in the taxi, which is another $25.
both ways, don’t forget that either.
oh, and yeah, pay the bill.
yours sincerely,
the cat”
