mindless insignificant who gives a shit dribble of others

who’s your best friend?

what is a best friend? is it the friend you like most of all your friends? is it the friend you hang out with the most? the friend you spend the most time with?

what do you do with friends you don’t want anymore? is there a recycle bin for them like there is for clothes? if you no longer want to know this person, if they’re messing with your fucking life can you just drop them off somewhere?

this question came to mind last thursday night when i was having a late supper with such a friend. we had left our martial arts class and were sitting in our favourite steakhouse waiting for dinner. you can bring a friend to class to try it, see if they like it before they sign up. so my friend  brought a new co-worker with her. this nice, pleasant, completely unknown to me, person started talking to me as if she already knew me. what the fuck? who is she and how does she know so much about me? where did she get this information?

a second later it all became clear when my friend chimed in with even more details about my day to day existance. the idiot told her a shit load of crap about my life and they’d only met at work 3 days ago.
w h a t  t h e  f u c k???

but then i should have known cause she’s told all about another friend, with her health problems, and her wonderful husband, and their two kids and dog and two cats, blah blah blah mindless insignificant dribble - in great detail. she never shuts up. she’s told me, oh lets see, maybe for the 6th or 7th time every stupid story she can think of about their lives. i’ve lost count.

sitting there at the table was pretty uncomfortable. i didn’t know why at first, the nakedness of it all, i don’t know. later, on my own, with time to think, it became clear i had no control over the situation. i had no say in what information this person had access to, i wasn’t the one giving it up, someone else was. and as a result i couldn’t control what she thought of me or my life.
i was not the one painting the picture of me, my friend was.

what would you do?

i had a weird day yesterday

all i wanted was to go to starbucks and write, surf the internet, drink double cappuccinos and watch the world go by.
so that’s what i did.
i didn’t get to the laundry, i didn’t mop the hardwood floors, i didn’t buy cat food, i didn’t call people, i didn’t do anything.
did i mention that i’m on vacation.
i feel kinda like i’m thumbing my nose at the world. and tonight i had a homer simpson moment where i ate too much and passed out.
i do like this vacation thing.

i like people watching, i like looking into their world, observing their lives, rewriting sometimes. i like playing god. then i shake my head and it’s over.

people will tell you lots about themselves by what they wear, how they stand, how they sit, walk, talk blah blah blah.
but mostly i like when they’re quiet.
they’ll tell you how insecure they are by how they dress, tell you how easy it is to intimidate them by how they stand and such. I love people watching. i like to find a housewife and rewrite her life if she never got married and had children.

yesterday was a weird day.

would anyone notice if i pee’ed in a bottle?

i’m at starbucks on my second soy extra hot double cappuccino and the washrooms are both broken.

fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!