i got compltelyu fuckijng  loaded tonightat  a freadking thingie at ofwork. imagine that. if youwill

anhttywayt, tgat;s teg etge wat u ut ut it is. HEY I CAN’T SPELL. FUCK IT.

hi there

i had fun

i’m so drunk, fuuuuuuuuck. a good timewas had byn all.

hgood nite.

i just got rid of the damn H1N1 flu and now my nose wants to run away from my face.
i don’t know what’s going on, first the flu from hell that zapped all my energy. so i couldn’t give a damn even if i wanted to.
next i get this runny nose from hell. fuck.

i went to taekwandoe class last night and it was a good time. had some 17 year old kid choke me while i tried to break his wrist to get away from him. yup, fun times.
i had the energy for it, was slow going at first but i made it.
and now this morning this nose thingie. it’s like a river, a dam that broke, a joy ride of snot.
ya don’t suppose my brain has liquified and i’m spitting out the mainfame???

well fuck. anyone got a tissue?

that’s what they told me this morning when i got to work.
the boss is on the older side of life and for some reason seems to want to live longer.
whatever.
so i came home and passed out on the sofa with the tv on and a cat lying on me.
good times.

this flu, that’s not a flu, cause you can’t get the flu from the shot.
sucks.
today i’m tired, i mean no energy.
i am spacey, have a post nasal drip thats given me a hacking cough and my eyeballs are on fire.
sucks.

idiot boss got mad when i made a funny of coughing on my hand and running it along the desk.
he didn’t think it any more funny when i grabbed a co-workers hand and said a very sincere good morning either.
really, he’s not my favourite co-worker anyway…….

they were happy to see the walking talking germ bag leave.

assholes.

so if H1N1 flu is anything like fake H1N1 flu you’re fucked when you get it.

that vaccine i got so i wouldn’t die from it is killing me. i asked the people at the clinic and they assured me i got an inactive dose of the virus and the most i would suffer from the shot was a headache. i learned later that they tell people this cause they don’t want the victim to imagine symptoms where there are none.
uh- huh that’s nice.

i spoke with a know-it-all friend and she assures me i cannot get the flu from this shot, that all you can get is a headache.

so i figure now that they’re all fucked. cause i got the damn flu.

got the shot on tuesday afternoon and now i have sinus drain, body tired and general don’t-give-a-shitness.
more hurts than my head and i don’t even want to leave the house.

i went for groceries cause groceries don’t wander into my place all on their own. i was so out of it from the walk to the store that i got into the express line, the 10 item only express line. the cashier kept looking at me funny and i couldn’t figure out why. this woman stood there and watched as i piled all that food on the belt and didn’t say a word. as she was checking it all in she said, “next time you’ll have to use the regular check out if you have more than 10 items”.
so i got told. 
i was so spaced out i didn’t realize what i was doing.

she must have thought i had balls. ah well.

so on tuesday afternoon i walked into a clinic to have my world traveller shots updated. my company likes to keep its employees updated on everything – just in case. we never know where we’ll be sent and usually on short notice.
the downside to such a lifestyle is it has made my cats hardened loners. it’s sad but true.

soooo………on tuesday afternoon i went to get shot. as i walked in there was a woman walking down the hallway offering the h1n1 to anyone who wanted it. they had finished vaccinating their health care workers and as the clinic would be closed on wednesday for rememberance day and they didn’t want to waste the vaccine, it was up for grabs. i grabbed.

i spent all of yesterday on the sofa curled into a ball suffering.
its been explained to me some time ago that the vaccine gives you a small amount of the flu so that your body can build antibodies to it. in this way the flu itself when it comes along doesn’t kill you.

i wanted to die yesterday.

wasn’t having a good time.

today i didn’t go to work either, i called in sick.

my arm hurts like it’s been hit by a baseball bat and wouldn’t you know it, the cat picks that arm to walk on, push against and cuddle up to.
lucky me.

supper when there’s nothing in the fridge looks like this:

take out the large cast iron frying pan and put it on the stove.
turn the stove on medium heat.
throw in 1/4 lb of chopped bacon, a head of unpeeled garlic bulbs
and a small bag of mini red potatoes.

on top of this concoction place a thinly sliced onion.
get out the mortar and pestol and grind together some
dried rosemary, rock salt and black peppercorns.
sprinkle liberally over the onion, add a cover and let it cook.

when it starts to make frying noises turn the stove down a notch
and add a tbsp or two of vegetable oil so it doesn’t burn.

turn and flip as needed and when it’s done cooking. when the onion
is mush, the bacon is crunchy bits and the garlic is roasted good.
take a fork and lightly smash the tiny potatoes. sprinkle the
remainder of the rosemary salt over the gooeyness, flip again and
replace the lid for a couple of minutes of frying. flip around again
if you wish.

spoon the entire thing into the largest bowl you can find and
squeeze some fresh lemon juice over it all.
grab a fork, sit in front of the tv, turn on the food channel and
enjoy.

while i don’t recommend you cook up this gourmet feast for one
(which serves 2 or 3), it does the job when your fridge is bare and
the cupboard isn’t much better.

in the words of that joker-look-alike woman, “yum-o”

so here’s the post i no enjoy writing.

psychicgeek beware : do not read this

and for the rest of you, this promises to be a disgusting read.

i recently had to travel for work, my company had me in scotland for a month and a half working on a project. good times.

i left my cats and my apartment in the care of a friend. a week ago i came home to what amounted to a squat house. the smell was the first thing that hit me when i opened the door.
the hardwood floors covered in cat puke was the next.
as i walked through the place things only got worst.

the kitchen table was pushed into the corner against the wall and the chairs were here and there.
sort of had a university student beer bash quality about it.
i like things where they should be, not necessarily dust free but where they should be.

the table itself was filthy with cat puke, matted caked on cat hair, kittly litter and paw prints. nice.

the antique chair looked like it was giving birth to another cat because of all the hair on it. appearances were deceiving – it hadn’t been cleaned.
the green love seat and its cushions had a cloudy appearance. upon further inspection it was clear that the hair from the white cat was covering it to the extent that, again, appearances can be deceiving. the love seat was not actually fading away.
the sofa with the cream throw was puked on to the point that it can only be described as disgusting.
the coffee table was covered in kitty litter, books, movies, tv series dvd’s, crap and junk belonging to her, oh, and cat hair.
the tv was dusty, dirty and disgusting. there i think i got all of the d’s.
the other love seat that matches the sofa was puked on and matted with cat hair. kitty litter – yes.

my puter desk was covered in kitty litter (yes you detect a theme). i had to pry my calculator off the desk. i don’t know what matter of biological matter it was glued to the desk with but here’s that word again – disgusting.
i found the vaccum cleaner leaning against the love seat next to the desk. i checked the bag, it was full and so i can only surmise that she thought the thing had died of old age and could wait for me to get home to give it a proper burial.
i tried to navigate the minefield of puke that littered the countryside of my apartment but didn’t make it. i kept my shoes on and later located a knife for scraping.

i went to the bathroom – nothing cleaned in there.

bedroom: smell nearly knocked me out. where to begin? well it looked a lot like the rest of the apartment only it smelled worst. the fact that i have cats was quite apparent. the stench of cats piss was unbelievable.
i checked the litter box in the bedroom and then back to check the one in the living room. caked on – hard.
there wasn’t anywhere in that filthy box the cats could go to pee. there was nothing to dig in cause now it’s all like stinky cement.
the lid was filthy, the scooper was not yellow or blue anymore, it was brown and crusty with a yellow or a blue handle. which, by the way, was dirty too. how do you get the handle of a litter scooper dirty?

i had left a suitcase, a backpack worth $50 and some stuff in the backpack, lying on the floor. all soaked with cats piss. oh, and the hardwood floor underneath was wet with piss too. i had left some clothes in the laundry basket. all in the garbage now, laundry basket included. the cat had to “go” somewhere. and the litter box was like a block of cement.

i opened the closet a few days ago to find some things and found a turd on the floor. a cat will play with anything provided it’s small enough and moveable to be considered a cat toy. i see the cat chased it until it went under the door and into the closet, where i found it. nice little surprise after i’ve spent days cleaning the place.

i took bags and bags of garbage out of this place the day i got home. i had to scrub the bedroom with a load of cleaner to get out the stench of cat piss. i scrubbed the litter boxes like a mad woman after i pryed the shit and solidified litter out of it with a knife. (which went in the garbage as well) 

i found the garbage can full of garbage and bags of waste from the litter box. so she had cleaned the litter boxes up to a point. the amount of kittly litter piled up around the outside of the boxes was amazing. but then i guess the vaccum was full and didn’t work anymore. obviously it’s hard work to move the broom over the space. poor woman she must be exhausted.

i went out to the balcony and discovered a sight this place has never seen before. a mountain of bags of cat shit. i can only think that i’m glad it’s november and not june cause i wouldn’t be able to get near the balcony for flies and stench.

i cleaned this place with rubber gloves on. i was afraid to touch anything.

the kitchen wasn’t any better. there were dishes in the tray, the sink, on the counter. this bitch didn’t clean a thing. i hate a clogged sink so i avoid it. i bought a strainer for the drain, works great, you just have to put it in the hole and it stops all the food and stuff from ruining the drain. she had taken that out and put it on the counter. why?

i know she keeps her place like a squat house, i know that she has 3 cats and never cleans, i know she’s a disgusting pig over her place. that’s why i haven’t been to her place in nearly 4 years. it stinks. a lot. a really lot.

but why would she let someone elses place go to that point?
all the times she’s been at my place she’s never seen it dirty, ever.
so what makes her think this is how i want to live?

she’s more than fired, she’s history.
i don’t want her in my place anymore and we’re not hanging out either.
i’m done with her.
there won’t be any confrontation, any words said, i’m dropping her like a hot potato.
she doesn’t matter to the point where i couldn’t even be bothered to yell at her.

it’s taken days of cleaning but the place looks fit to live in again. and it’s not all done yet. i still have surfaces to dust off and a computer desk to sort out and a closet to clean but the major chunk of shit is out of the place and i can see the color of the furniture again.