it’s been rainy this week, lots and lots of rainy, some wind and then some fog.

the fogs presence this week allowed me to see something i’ve never seen before, the grey of the winter. yes in my near 45 years i have never actually seen what gives people SAD.

i was on the balcony having a ciggie and the fog was present yet again. as i sat there i noticed it. i noticed it for the first time in my life and i felt it.
i felt it in the bones of my body and the furthest back of my mind that you can go.

i had a friend once who lost an entire year of university and the tuition that goes with it. she couldn’t go to class, she couldn’t even get off the sofa.
she would spend her days lying around watching tv in her pajamas. when her roomates got home from class she’d put on a happy face and chat with them about her day – at school.
she flew to ottawa to see her parents for christmas and during the flight she lost it. she’d had enough, she didn’t know what was wrong with her and had no idea why she didn’t have any energy for life. the stranger beside her held her hand and told her everything would be alright.
she finally did consult a doctor and found instead of a mental illness she had a vitamin D deficiency.

she finished school and is now married with children and a great career.

now that the fog inside my head has lifted i can see the fog outside. i see reality, i see a dull picture painted from winters palette.

used to be that winter never bothered me, i actually looked forward to the season. i’m not a fan of bugs and sweating and body acne, winter suited me just fine. now, however, i see what the rest of the world does. i see their fog.