just shoot me

went out with a friend today, actually stayed over at her place last night and then today we went out and about as i like to say.
boy was i glad to get home. it’s trying…….even headachy sometimes to keep the peace.

her opinions are strong and they’re the only ones that make any sense so…….she’s always right. ain’t that nice.

everything from why i don’t trust the general public and want to wind up the car windows, as well as lock the car doors, when my shopping bags are inside and we’re gone into the next store to why the sky is blue.
if only i could be right for once. just once. not all the time just…once. hmmmmmm.

if only i weren’t considered paranoid or naggish or foolish or STUPID. if only.

sad is me. who knew my behaviour was so backwards and S T O O P I D.

oh i know. next time i go shopping on my own.
next time i have a great relaxing day off  and wander the aisles of the mall on my own.
next time i take as long as i like for coffee.
next time i whack people with my purse if i want to.
next time blah blah blah…..ya get the picture???

yeah……shoot me. it’ll hurt less.

spring has sprung

closet cleaning and then house cleaning. it’s refreshing……..it’s liberating…….it’s theraputic……hell it’s spiritual to clean out the old and scrub the shelves and walls and floors blah blah blah clean.
but i’m tired and taking a break. only so much clean one witch can handle per day.

it’s also fun, i’ve found things i have long forgotten about. and then i threw them out. i worked with someone once who said “if we haven’t used it in the last 6 months throw it out”.
well some of my junk hasn’t seen the light of day in around 8 years. out it went.
i found adapters, usb cord thingies, and chargers that i have no idea what it belonged to. all gone to the garbage bin. i feel bad about wasting so much stuff. fuck knows what it belonged to. like they say, after you throw it out you’ll find a use for. but i’ve watched enough episodes of Hoarders and it all went to the trash.

i was at loose ends after this dejunking kick and called a girlfriend to go shopping. NO the irony of this is not lost on me.
i threw out 6 pairs of jeans that i really didn’t like and bought a very nice new pair new-to-me pair. we hit every second hand store we could find and had the time to make it to in one day. i got three tops and a vintage Guess purse for $27. it’ll come in handy in florida, i leave on tuesday. of all my purses i didn’t have one for summer. that’s just wrong.

went to winners cause, well, it was on the way to the next second hand shop. i shouldn’t have gone in. should have stayed in the car. shouldn’t. i went in and couldn’t leave without it. it is a huge red bag. looks like a handbag but is the size of a suitcase. love it.

there are crows outside my window as i’m typing this. they’re sitting in the trees squawking and now flying by. crows are said to be messengers but as i don’t speak crow i have no idea what they’re on about.

i scrubbed the garbage can with vim, it was the only thing i can find to get rid of the grease. and then i attacked….

the crows are back.

………the floor around the stove, it was covered in grease. the cat hair sticks to the grease and well i’m sure you get the picture. the stove got a good cleaning and then i got tired and went for a shower. i’ll find something else to clean tomorrow.

hate cleaning and doing it in small amounts at a time works best for this witch. besides a sparkling clean house is an unhappy one.

get lost crows.

living in a fog

it’s been rainy this week, lots and lots of rainy, some wind and then some fog.

the fogs presence this week allowed me to see something i’ve never seen before, the grey of the winter. yes in my near 45 years i have never actually seen what gives people SAD.

i was on the balcony having a ciggie and the fog was present yet again. as i sat there i noticed it. i noticed it for the first time in my life and i felt it.
i felt it in the bones of my body and the furthest back of my mind that you can go.

i had a friend once who lost an entire year of university and the tuition that goes with it. she couldn’t go to class, she couldn’t even get off the sofa.
she would spend her days lying around watching tv in her pajamas. when her roomates got home from class she’d put on a happy face and chat with them about her day – at school.
she flew to ottawa to see her parents for christmas and during the flight she lost it. she’d had enough, she didn’t know what was wrong with her and had no idea why she didn’t have any energy for life. the stranger beside her held her hand and told her everything would be alright.
she finally did consult a doctor and found instead of a mental illness she had a vitamin D deficiency.

she finished school and is now married with children and a great career.

now that the fog inside my head has lifted i can see the fog outside. i see reality, i see a dull picture painted from winters palette.

used to be that winter never bothered me, i actually looked forward to the season. i’m not a fan of bugs and sweating and body acne, winter suited me just fine. now, however, i see what the rest of the world does. i see their fog.